Thursday, September 17, 2015

Investing -- what women are doing well, where we need help

"Five years into the financial recovery, researchers find that while women are taking control of household finances, they are no more prepared to meet long-term financial goals than they were a decade ago." -- Prudential Financial Inc.
Do women invest differently than men?

Several studies say yes, women do take a different approach to investing than their male counterparts. These reports also say that men and women would do well to learn from each other when it comes financial planning for the long-term.
How women approach money is a big topic of discussion in the investment brokerage industry these days as more working women near retirement and/or inherit assets from their mothers.

The largest wealth transfer in history (worth an estimated $8.4 trillion) is under way as Baby Boomers inherit assets from their elderly parents. A good portion of this wealth transfer is from 90-something mothers to their 60-something daughters.

So how are women -- single or married -- handling retirement and estate planning, inheritance and investing? And how is their approach different from men?

According to the National Center for Women and Retirement Research at, women are doing a lot of things right. That’s because women are more often in charge of household budgets. They are experienced at multi-tasking – juggling kids, work, bill-paying and planning. They make most of their family’s consumer purchases (85 percent). These responsibilities give women experience with money management.

As a result, women are more likely than men to research and ask questions before making financial decisions, they are more likely to work with a financial adviser and more willing to stay the course during turbulent market times, said a recent Fidelity Investments report.

“Overall, research indicates that women are more focused on comprehensive financial planning, while men tend to focus on investment returns,” said the report.

There’s more good news. Even though women are in and out of the work force and tend to earn less than men, they actually save a higher percentage of their income in tax-deferred retirement plans and are more likely to take advantage of catch-up savings opportunities once they hit 50.

But here’s the big difference: Despite a lot of money-management experience, despite a positive savings record, women are less confident when it comes to investing.

A Wall Street Journal report, “Male Investors vs. Female Investors” said that “while women believe in the value of saving, they don’t seem to trust themselves in the same way (as men) when it comes to investing.”

A Merrill Lynch study of 11,500 clients, said that 55 percent of women agreed or strongly agreed with the statement, “I know less than the average investor about financial markets and investing in general.” That’s compared with only 27 percent of men.

The Journal report said that women tend to have a greater portion of their portfolios in cash and are less willing to increase risk to seek higher returns.
This reluctance to get into the investment arena and to invest more aggressively may mean that women miss opportunities to grow their wealth and their retirement nest eggs over the long-term.

Meanwhile, men might gain by maintaining are more balanced portfolio instead of trying to win big on a single tech stock or other high-risk opportunity, advisers said.

Part of the reason for these differences may be because women have a longer time horizon than men.
According to the Centers of Disease Control, the average life expectancy for American women is 81.2 years while men can expect to live to an average age of 76.4.  Women now age 65 can expect to live another 20 years to age 85 while men age 65 will likely make it to 83.
A warning to all --- one out of every four Americans now age 65 will live past age 90.

Women, meanwhile, have a lot to be proud of --- higher business ownership, a narrowing wage gap and greater participation in retirement savings. But women still tend to invest too conservatively and worry too much. Women are twice as likely to describe themselves as financial “beginners,” said a recent Prudential Research Study.

“Women’s lack of confidence sometimes translates into disinterest,” said Kelley Holland in a report for CNBC. “Only 43 percent of couples plan for retirement together, and 80 percent of the spouses who were not involved are women. Given the high likelihood that women will outlive their husbands, that’s hardly a recipe for a comfortable retirement,” she said.

The experts agree that men and women could learn a lot from each other’s best investment habits. Men set financial goals and work to gain those goals. Women do the research and are less bothered by market ups and downs.

Investing for the long-haul takes determination, courage and confidence no matter who you are. So let the dialogue begin with our families, our financial advisers and the men in our lives.

For more:

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Selling everything. Say thank you as you say goodbye

"Every day is a new day, and you'll never be able to find happiness if you don't move on." --- Carrie Underwood, American song writer (1983 -   )

Thinking about downsizing? Dreaming of getting out from under 20 or 30 years of accumulated stuff?
Maybe you’re moving to a smaller place. Or you want to hit the road free of clutter. According to national research, millions of Americans 50 and older are in the downsizing mode and plan to relocate to smaller spaces sometime in the next five to 10 years.

The process, however, can be challenging – emotionally and even financially. Women are often left to take on this daunting task. Some of us may be shocked to find out that our kids don’t want grandma’s dining table. Or a favorite niece doesn’t care about our treasured art collection.

What to give away and what to keep may feel overwhelming. The idea of sorting through everything brings on emotional fear and stress.

For those who take on the downsizing challenge, there are two ways to handle what can seem like an overwhelming project: Do it yourself or hire someone to hold an estate sale for you. (Click here for an earlier post on using an estate sale service.)

Longtime Battle Ground resident, Pam Wolle, took on the task herself this summer with help from family and friends.
“My life started to change with my husband’s death more than five years ago,” Wolle said. “I knew I couldn’t continue to manage our big rural property and that lifestyle. The process really has been under way for several years. But this year I was finally ready to drastically downsize,” she said.

That meant going through her ranch house room-by-room as well as sorting through a garage and farm out buildings.

Take time to sort, discard

She gave herself months to prepare for her sale by methodically sorting, discarding and labeling items in each space.
“By concentrating on one room at a time, I didn’t feel overwhelmed,” she said. “I could see I was making progress. It gave me encouragement to go on.”
The work took three months. Big items of equipment and furniture went out the door early, Wolle said, so that she had more working area to sort and package smaller stuff. In additional to the usual household items and barn equipment, Wolle owned and operated a marketing and product-promotion business from her home.
“There was a lot of stuff around here,” Wolle remarked.

As the sale approached, friends and family helped display items on tables, kitchen counters and garage shelves. Almost everything got a price tag based on research from reliable sources including eBay and and from experienced yard-sale friends.

There were pricing surprises such as a “collectible” muffin tin that went for $20 or the vinyl records that sold for less than expected.

“In making our sale preparations, we tried to not do something more than once,” Wolle said. “I asked my daughter to be my manager, to help me stay on track. I tried not to have multiple people telling me what to keep and what to sell.”
In advance, Wolle invited family to select anything they wanted from the house. She also put together tote bins for each of her grandchildren. The goal was to help everyone feel included.

The Wolle sold just about everything else she owned --- old skis, carpets, lawn equipment, household kitchen items, clothing, horse-related gear and notepads and paper left from her marketing business.
Her sale began on a Thursday and ended Saturday with different types of buyers showing up on each day. Savvy estate sale buyers were the early birds with more casual buyers including people who work Monday-Friday arriving on Saturday.

Stay firm on prices at least for a day

Wolle stayed firm on her pricing until the last day. “I was very cautious about coming down on prices,” she said. “That worked well.” She always had the plan that what didn’t sell would go to her favorite charity, the local Humane Society.  A few items went in storage.

Wolle said the biggest challenge is to stay focused, not be distracted by interruptions. To that end she recommends being prepared with supplies when you start the sorting and labeling process. Have such things as big heavy garbage bags, trash cans,  markers, gallon-size Ziploc bags at the ready.

“The idea is to be as efficient as possible and not get sidetracked because you have to go looking for something,” she said.
Three weeks after the sale, Wolle said she was feeling good about the project for its financial rewards and the emotional freedom that came from moving on.

She admitted that it was hard to say goodbye to certain possessions.

While researching estate sale tips, she ran across some advice that worked for her. “I actually ‘thanked’ some of the things sold in the sale that I’d owned for a long time,” she said. “I mentally thanked these items for the service they had brought me over the years. It was a way of letting go.”

Now, she’s looking to the future knowing that down the road she can buy something new, if she needs to.
DIY downsizing tips:
Give yourself lots of time (months) to prepare for your sale.
Devise a step-by-step sale plan.
Research pricing. Check online sale sites such as eBay and Craigslist.
Sort and clear out one space at a time.
Run your sale Thursday through Saturday.
Don’t drop prices until the last day.
Be prepared with supplies -- bags, trash cans, markers -- when you sort items for sale and during the sale.

What to ask when hiring  professional estate sale services:
Are you bonded and insured?
Will you provide a written statement of services?
How are you paid? Commission or percentage of sales?
Will you write receipts for sold items?
Do you prepare a written final accounting of receipts and inventory of items sold?
How soon after the sale will I be paid?

Friday, August 14, 2015

Three basic steps to max out your Social Security benefits

“People who refuse to rest honorably on their laurels when they reach retirement age seem very admirable to me.” – Helen Hayes, American actor (1900-1993)

Thinking about doing some retirement planning? Start FIRST by taking a serious look at your Social Security account.  Or maybe you don't mind leaving big money on the table as you age into your golden years.

Don’t wait until you’re 62 or full-retirement age at 66 or 67 to take a look at your Social Security options. This segment of your retirement profile deserves research and some thoughtful discussions with those who have gone before you, your family and financial advisers. Do this planning years in advance of leaving your full-time job. There's more to it than just signing up to start benefits on your own account.
How best to start taking benefits can depend on many variables -- your age, your marital status, if you’ve been widowed -- to name a few. (click here for my earlier post at - "Collecting Social Security on an ex-spouse. It's better if they're dead.")  There are ways to maximize benefits over several years!

Here’s an example: If you are a single woman 62 or older you may be able to claim benefits on a spouse or ex-spouse if you were married to that person 10 years or longer. You may be able to tap into that account while leaving your own account untouched. (Here's a recent Viewpoint report from Fidelity on Social Security and women, click here.)

This strategy has two pluses: You get some retirement money coming in and at the same time for each year that you delay taking benefits in your own account after age 62, you give yourself an 8 percent annual increase in benefits up to age 70.

But exploring the ins and outs of these options gets complicated and deserves careful investigation.

There are nearly 3,000 claiming rules related to Social Security benefits depending on your age, marital status, how long you’ve been married to someone and if they are living or dead. By looking into these options (and others), you may be able to get create a revenue stream without affecting your own account.

So how to figure this out? Do these three things:

 - Go online to, set up your own personal account and look at various scenarios for how you personally can maximize benefits. In other words do your own research on benefit options. Dig down into the rules.

Then, set up a face-to-face conference at your local Social Security office to get their advice on what makes for you. Don’t do this by phone…do it in person. The phone people may not have the specific expertise you’re looking for. (How to schedule an appointment at your local office, click here.  (1-800-772-1213   M-F  7 a.m. to 7 p.m.) 
When setting up the face-to-face ask that this person be an expert in retirement planning scenarios. Bring along relevant Social Security numbers of spouses or ex-spouses.

Don’t expect the Social Security person to hand out free financial planning advice per se. What you will get is how various scenarios will work related to your age, marital history and work history. You have to know the questions to ask. They are there to answer them. Bring a note pad and take notes.

Step three: Even though you’ve already done your own research and talked directly with Social Security folks also then set up an hour-long appointment with a professional financial adviser familiar with Social Security regulations. (Make this a fee-only interview. You are paying just for their time and expertise). Make sure you’re talking to someone who really understands this stuff.

This planning should not be last minute or rushed. Make sure you understand your options. It may mean collecting tens of thousands of dollars more in Social Security benefits over the long haul.
There are ways to ease into retirement with part-time employment. There are rules around this too. So check it out.

Personally, if I have one regret about my own retirement planning, I should have waited longer to start taking Social Security benefits. After leaving my full-time job at age 63, I could have lived on my personal savings for another year or two rather than tapping immediately into Social Security. That would have boosted my monthly benefit by several hundred dollars. Translated over what could be another 20 or 30 years, we’re talking significant money.

Because so many women are on their own in their final years after the loss of a spouse, it makes sense for women to take Social Security even more seriously than men. If you are married, talk with your spouse about what your financial life will be like after your spouse is gone. Professional advisers tell me that’s a tough conversation for husbands to have.
They don’t want to think about life coming to an end.
It does.
For more:
"Why Women Need to think differently about Retirement," - click here.
"Women and Retirement Savings, click here.
Women's Institute for a Secure Retirement, click here.
"Key Retirement Concerns and 7 Planning Tips for Women," Forbes, click here.
6 Money Rules All Single Women Should Live By, Retirement Cheat Sheet, click here.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

My friend Pam's estate sale. It's about freedom

Editor's note:
Pam is among my best friends. When she lost her husband a few years ago, she wasn't sure where life would take her next. She's been working toward a new life for awhile. As part of that new life, she held an "estate" sale this past week where she sold practically everything she, kitchenware, outdoor equipment. You name it, she sold it. It's all part of downsizing to a much much smaller place. It's all about freedom. I'm am proud of her. Below is Pam's note to her friends about the sale and about her future. - Julia

Ladies of my life.  
It is morning, and I’m starting to feel human again…. After weeks of preparation, or maybe it was months…oh get real Pam, it was years.  It is done.   Half way through, I realized why people hire estate sale companies to do this. But you know me, frugal to the end,…I said, “I bought it, I stored it, I cleaned it, now I’m going to sell it.” But it took a crew of dedicated friends and family to help me pull it off. Jeni and I worked alternate Saturdays and some Sundays for over 3 months.  She was my Angel and Sale nazi,  knowing how to keep me focused.  I most often got a severe case of “Squirrel” and my attention span was in a hurricane of overwhelm and HOW we could ever get it ALL done.

 Without her I’d probably still be hacking away at it.  I am so blessed to have this girl/woman child that knows me so well and puts up with me and we still we laugh. The son, he just said burn it all or send to dump.  And they both came out of the same shoot…..
Throughout the last 2 weeks, I ran shifts, scheduling like a factory boss, then panicking, that I would not be able to find enough willing souls to help.  LynAnn put in some long hours with me, and the nice thing that comes of that is being able to visit while sorting.  I’ve heard from several friends, that my experience was a huge wakeup call as to what they also needed to do.  So my time will be coming when I can pay them back and help with their efforts. 

Last night when I was really and truly at the end of my thin rope, hunting for any kind of a box and  also realizing I left the tape roll I purchased earlier in the day which was now at the “SHOE” (our name for the 5th Wheel)  the tape that would allow me to reassemble several flattened boxes….needing to put that which remained, ready  for the truck from the Humane Society Thrift store which comes tomorrow and actually finishing the task, here comes Kay, with a home cooked dinner of roasted teriyaki pork loin, salad, sautéed green beans, garlic bread and OMG, Champagne!!!  It would have been  childish of me to throw myself on the floor and just start crying in gratitude, but I sure felt like it.   Lucky for us, I didn’t sell the kitchen table and chairs, so we dined outside on the porch amongst a cool breeze and a visit from friends Julie and Ken, to toast the end of this chapter.

6 more bags of Garbage collected, I would have had more garbage, but Joann sold my garbage bags right out from under me! Our cars full, we headed home in the dark, with plans for this afternoon to FINISH the project. 
I am happy with the sale profits, and the experience had many aspects that were enjoyable. I met neighbors I never knew, people who knew Dale and shared some good stories.  So many people asked me throughout the 3 days, “ Are you sad to give all this up?”  “Is it hard to give all this away?”…  and each and every time from my heart, I responded, “No, not all,  I am relieved to rehome all this, and move into a streamlined life of possessions”.

As we emptied the cupboards, closets, and staged the house with tables and racks (I’ll have to count how many we used) It began to look like my home had regurgitated itself….oh boy if that wasn’t a wake-up call.   As we sorted,  I was flooded with memories. The good, the sad, and the bad.  I said silent goodbye’s often to things that I no longer needed or wanted or had used and loved but no longer needed.  Gifting things made for a good feeling.  Making big tote bins for the Grandkids was also a help, as I had a place to share special memories and then they can keep or purge, but at least they knew the story of that particular item.  I will keep Samye’s in the shop, and she will find many treasures of her days with both Grampa and Gramma, she may be 60 before she grows up, but I will have done my part to let her know she was/is loved by both of us.

After all was prepped, I took a few minutes to walk through the house, barn, outbuildings, and thank it and all the possessions for their service to my heart and my life. I had found a prayer to Thank the house, and I read it with a happy heart,

Then Thursday Morning, and I was up at 5:00 am to place the signs and begin……
By 8:15 am on Thursday we had 40-50 vehicles parked on both sides of the street, all over the front yard, up the driveways as far as we’d allow, even at the empty house next door.   Jenica, was brilliant in devising a pattern, where no cars were parked in back but ours.  People were directed to walk down the driveway on the east side, and begin the process shopping the barn, outdoor items, items under the carports (of which I sold two) then leading to the backyard, and then into the house.  Final stop was the garage with more goodies and the checkout register (Again, Thank you Brian for your table’s, clothing racks and register)

 Auntie Jo, was a trooper and handled the checkout for all 3 days, as Jeni and I ran back and forth as the answer Guru’s.  We kept the Master bedroom locked and so we had a place for potty, food, and if you couldn’t figure out where to put something it got thrown in there. That first morning was a MOB, and we could have used more help than the 6 people we had, but it settled down and overall it all turned out just fine and we had a steady stream until close on Saturday at 5pm.
Another trip back out today to finish up the last of the boxing for the thrift shop.   Trying to contact the VA Hospital as I’m looking for an appropriate place to donate my big massage chair. No takers at the price I wanted, so a write off and comfort for someone hurting would be the better route.

I’ll never forget how dirty the house actually was as we cleared it out.  No wonder my allergies were awful, and it wasn’t just dog hair! 

We are going to re-home the cats to here at Birkenstock, next week when Brian comes home. They will have lots of room to explore and we are hoping that will go well.

Zoe has been a trooper, missing her daily walks, (as I) and her exercise has been in the form, of getting up and finding a new sleeping place after we tripped over her a million times a day.  During the sale, she generally laid on the back porch, waiting for someone to pet her, or step over her, but everyone loved the Zoe.

So that’s it’s. Now I have bins in the Shoe waiting to find a new home or possibly discarded, or sent to the special closet on the top floor of the Birk store. We’ll see.

Brian is in Chicago at a conference and while we wasn’t here to help with the majority of the sale, he did tons of prep work, and used his employees to transfer tables and racks, and move that which I was moving into the storage trailer, and that saved my back and his a lot of stress.   I was actually glad he was not here at the sale.  It felt like something that I/we as a family needed to do and process.  Now I’m ready for the next chapter.  After the house clean up, then next I’m working on selling Wild n’ Wooly (Pam's marketing company). .  

So that is it, just wanted you to know we made it through, and  now I’d better get on to the work that I’ve ignored most of last week.

With love and gratitude for you all, 


Thursday, July 9, 2015

Secrets to traveling with grandchildren -- no parents, snacks and an app or two

"Young children are wonderful tourists, if you gear the trip to their interests rather than yours," -  Deborah Jacobs, writing in Forbes magazine on Seven Tips for Traveling with Grandchildren, click here. 

Grandparents traveling with grandchildren --- it’s a big and growing travel trend.
And why not?!! Baby boomer retirees over 60 are more active than prior generations. We have the time and resources along with a sense of worldly adventure that has us looking for shared experiences with our grandkids.

That’s especially true if we don’t get to spend much time around them or interact one-on-one. Traveling without the “middle layer” of parents as one travel writer described it, creates a strong bond between grandparents and their grandchildren.

When I got the green light this spring to take my 10-year-old grandson, Jason, to Disney World, I booked the tickets without hesitating. Our six days together was a great experience. As a great first trip together, it was perfect.

We had some adventures…Typhoon Lagoon’sShark Reef,” for instance.
We screamed together on the Rock n Roller Coaster starring Aerosmith and The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror.
We shared meals, looked for restrooms and hurried together to catch planes and buses
We held hands in the wave pool at Typhoon Lagoon where I got smacked in the eye by a body surfer. Only needed a small patch at the First Aid Station.
We raced together to get on the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train in the Magic Kingdom and got out just in time for the fireworks.

Our day at Epcot had Jason designing his own virtual ride and going on a Mission to Space with simulated gravitational pull. The water park day was great. So was Disney’s Hollywood Studios, home of the Tower of Terror. Not to be missed.
In all, I believe we were on 12 roller coaster rides of one kind or another among many other experiences. All fun. "This is Disney, after all," said a parent sitting next to me at the Magic Kingdom when I mentioned that I was nervous about the Tower of Terror.

If I had any goals for this trip, they were to have fun and get closer to my only grandchild. That all happened for sure. We had time over meals to talk. We talked about grandma’s travel budget that included how much we’d spend a day on food.  We discussed how he wanted to spend his personal money on gifts and souvenirs. We talked about food and making wise menu choices. We made funny jokes. We relaxed at the pool and read at night in our room at Animal Kingdom Lodge.

We tried not to overdo but that’s a challenge at Disney World when there’s just one more ride to get on before heading to the room on the shuttle.

In the midst of all this, we had time apart. The lodge pool and the water park were the easiest with life guards posted at regular intervals. I think he liked the independence that came with playing with other kids. One night he stayed in the room with his iPad while I went in search of a martini.

On our return flight we talked about travel tips for grandparents and grandchildren (age 10) traveling together. Here’s what we came up with:

Jason’s tips:
- Carry a small backpack with extra socks, water bottles few snacks. Granola bars and pretzels worked for us.

- Be prepared for bad weather. We were caught in a thunder storm and downpour at Typhoon Lagoon. The next night out our newly purchased rain ponchos kept us from getting soaked, again.

- Go to the bathroom before you get on the airplane. Go to the bathroom as often as possible.
Buy the smart phone app “Heads Up” to play while standing in ride waiting lines. We played with another family in line. It was fun.

- Always have something to read. The iPad Star Wars game came in handy.

- Bring Band-Aids and mole skin for any blistered toes from all the walking.

- If you’re going to be at a pool be sure to bring a face mask (they didn’t let me use the snorkel) and/or swim goggles.

- Have plastic bags for the wet clothes if they have to go in a suit case.

Grandma's tips:

- If your grandchild is under age…bring along signed travel documents from the parents and a photo ID from his school. My documents included emergency medical permission from his parents, travel permission and his birth certificate.

- Meet with the parents before departure to explain the trip. Talk about any rules regarding TV, food or spending money. And how you will stay in touch. If an iPad will be along, set out rules for how and when it is turned on.

- Set clear expectations about behavior…no talking back for instance.

- Bring along a favorite stuffed animal or pillow. Good for sleeping on planes.

- Plan for some time apart….in the pool or in a supervised play area. A video game room came in handy on our last morning while we waited for our bus to the airport.

- Take a lot of photos for a trip scrapbook. Memories are important.

- If you are going to Disney World be sure to download the Disney World app onto your iPhone and use the app to sign up in advance for Fast Passes to the most popular rides. We may be waiting two hours in line, if you don't use the FP system. It's slick.

Our trip to Disney World was a grand opportunity to better get to know my grandson. I found out about his interests, about how his brain works and what he likes to do. I learned that swimming is at the top of his list and that designing his own robotic virtual ride was something he enjoyed. The same for the race car at Fast Track in Epcot.

Would I go on another adventure with him? Absolutely. I think I have something to contribute to his life and he to mine.
By some standards this was a quick trip but nevertheless we bonded. No one goes on the Tower of Terror without bonding.

As a grandparent, I’m not alone in this adventure with my grandson. According to recent research, some 37 percent of all grandparents who travel have traveled with the grandchildren. Road Scholar offers 100 multigenerational tours. Smithsonian Journeys is another family travel site I intend to pursue adventure travel into my "golden years" and hope to bring my grandson along.. Everyone is handing out advice on how to do it right.

For more:
6 Essential Tips for Traveling with Grandchildren, click here. click here.
Documents Needed for Traveling with Grandchildren, click here
6 Tips for Traveling with Your Grandchildren, click here.
8 Tips for Playing with Grandchildren click here.
Intergenerational Adventures, Road Scholar click here.
Budget-friendly Vacation Ideas Grandchildren Love, click here.


Monday, June 15, 2015

Dealing with the unexpected. 'You can give in or you can find meaning'

"While the experience of grief is profoundly personal, the bravery of those who have shared their own experiences has helped pull me through." -- Sheryl Sandberg on the unexpected death of her husband.

By Julia Anderson
We sat next to each other by accident at an outdoor barbecue. Our small talk quickly turned to the details of her life. She’d been on her own for four years after her husband's unexpected death.

“The first two years, I woke up every morning cussing his name for leaving... for leaving me with such a mess,” she said, tossing her head back. “I drank a lot of tequila. Made some mistakes.”

Now at 57, she's getting a handle on the challenges both financial and family. One step forward, sometimes two steps back, she seemed to be saying. Her husband was a building contractor. During good times he bought mixed use commercial real estate. The buildings are older with both retail and residential space.

“Everybody thinks I’m well off,” said the woman. “They have no idea how tough it’s been getting over losing him and figuring out my financial situation,” she said. “And I’ve got a son who is addicted…I know he’s stealing from me.”

For her, there’s a lot to talk about.

I said, “Call the police on your son the next time he steals from you. It would do him and you a favor.”
She nodded. “It’s just been so hard,” she said. “I’m alone so much that I go out to eat dinner just to talk to someone.”

Lately she hired a property management company to handle one of her commercial buildings to get rid of a derelict tenant. It didn’t happen.
“You pay people to help you out but then nothing gets done,” she said. “I’m selling two of the buildings just to get rid of the headaches.”

“What are you going to do with the cash,” I asked.

She paused. “A lot is already spent on stuff I’ve got to fix at my house…maybe set up a bank trust for the rest I guess," she said. I said, “Be sure to check out the bank’s management fees on that arrangement.”
She said, “I suppose so, everybody wants a piece.

Like many of us, she’s struggled to sort out things. Her husband had been in charge of their business life and income.

“People just don’t know how hard this all is,” she said.

Maybe she could talk to a financial planning expert, I said, who on a fee-only basis could help her put together a plan that would give her some long-term income.

Ask your friends who might be someone to talk with, I said. Make sure they won’t try to sell you something for a commission. Make sure this is strictly for their best advice and nothing more.

We talked about how hard it is to lose someone who you relied on, someone that you loved and shared a life with.
I told her that I thought she was on the right track, that things would be OK.

She asked my name and told me hers.

I doubt that I see this woman again but I wish her well. Grieving and trying to get a handle on finances at the same time is not easy. But several women who I know have gutted their way through it. I’ve seen them get back in the game and move forward emotionally and financially. One step at a time.

The facts are that 35 percent of marriages will end with the death of a spouse, usually the husband. Women will spend one-third of their adult lives financially on their own.

With the recent sudden death of her husband, Sheryl Sandberg wrote on her Facebook page that "you can give in or you can find meaning. May we all find meaning.

For more:
Sheryl Sandberg’s Post on Late Husband Set Off Meditations on Grief, click here.
Organizing your finances after your spouse has died, click here.
A shocking death, a Financial Lesson and Help for Others, click here.
Why Women Need Retirement Planning more than Men Do. click here.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Bucket lists: If you need one, here's how

"It’s not the listing, it’s the doing that’s important. Why not make a list of one thing at a time.
 Do that and then go to the next one,”  ---  Al Bernstein, psychologist and book author.

"The Origins of 'Bucket List'  - WSJ - click here.

How to write a bucket list
- Give yourself time to reflect on your interests, not just destinations.
- Make a one-year goal list but also have a “sometime” list.
- Keep your lists short. It’s the doing that has meaning.
- Mix big and small goals.
- Keep your list financially and physically within reach.

“That’s on my bucket list.”
Cynthia Anderson hears clients say that all the time.
“To be honest, people have always had lists of where they want to go, what they want to see,” Anderson, owner of USA River Cruises Inc., said. “But now, bucket lists are mentioned quite a bit. It’s certainly become a marketing tool for travel publications…I see it all the time.”
Anderson, who books river cruises both in the U.S. and abroad, is inspired by clients who say that “this is on my bucket list, now I’m going to do this.”
So is Nancy Parrott, vice president and general manager at Azumano Travel with offices in Portland, Ore. and Vancouver, Wash.
“There’s quite a variety of ideas on peoples’ lists,” Parrott said. “Someone may want to go on a safari in Uganda to look at gorillas. Someone else might want to visit Iceland.”
The idea of a list has become so popular that Azumano staff give presentations on how to create a bucket list, Parrott said.
A quick Internet search turns up dozens of Web sites devoted to bucket lists – how to write them, suggestions for what might go on your list. There’s even a Web site called where you sign up to compare your list to other peoples’ lists and share comments on successes and failures. The site has 245,130 members who are tracking 3.36 million goals, sharing advice and keeping score.
It’s all about things people want to do or accomplish before they kick the bucket, just like the two characters played by Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman in the 2007 movie, “The Bucket List,” which imbedded the concept in our minds.
While some bucket lists include personal goals related to weight-loss, running a marathon or earning an advanced college degree, most are travel- or event-related. With more baby boomers aging into retirement every day, people -- list in hand -- are out there seeing the world.
But are bucket lists really a good idea?
Vancouver psychologist Al Bernstein has his reservations.
“I wouldn’t put a list of 10 things together because between now and when I finish the list my ideas might change,” Bernstein said. “What I might want to do could change even next year.” It’s not the listing, it’s the doing that’s important, he said.
“Why not make a list of one thing at a time. Do that and then go to the next one,” he said.
On the other hand, Bernstein said that if having a list helps you get things done then making a list may be helpful -- if it’s short and you keep it simple.
List considerations
In addition to psychological issues related to bucket lists, there are financial considerations. Women especially may be tempted to spend money on short-term rewards such as a family vacation to the Baja or a trip to Disney World with the grandkids, say financial planning experts. But if the trip racks up expensive credit card debt and cuts into retirement savings, then a less expensive weekend outing at the beach may be a better option.
Recreation specialist Becky Anderson with the city of Vancouver (Wash.) Parks & Recreation Department says that there’s plenty to do and see in the Pacific Northwest. Her department arranges three or four day-trips and over-night tours a week for seniors, 50 and older year-round. Offerings include music events, gardening classes and museum visits. Some trips cost as little as $25 while more elaborate over-night travel such as an Amtrak round-trip to Leavenworth, Wash. at Christmas time might cost as much a $1,085, she said.
“Traveling, hiking, a beach trip, they all give people something to look forward to,” Anderson said. “We do a hot air balloon trip every year out of Newberg, Ore. Lots of people have that on their buck list.”
My guess is that every county in the U.S. has a similar service for seniors through parks and rec departments.
Baby boomers are stepping away from full-time work and setting out to travel before their knees give out. The travel service for seniors, Road Scholar, already is offering educational excursions to Cuba.  I know someone who just completed a river trip on the Amazon River. Next year, it will be a river cruise in Portugal and Spain.
 How to write a bucket list
So how best to develop your bucket list?  Experts say taking time to think about your interests is a good way to start.
“Let’s say you’ve always been interested in the history of the Titanic,” said Azumano’s Nancy Parrott. “What you may not know is that you can visit its resting place off the coast of Newfoundland by boat as part of a travel package.”
Here’s what Parrott and others suggest in making a bucket list:
- Keep it short.
- Make sure your list fits your physical and financial picture and your lifestyle.
- It’s an evolving process. You can add things to your list or take them off.
- Think outside the box by first considering your interests, not destinations.
- Don’t think of a bucket list as a competitive sport. It’s not about posting it to Facebook but accomplishing something that has meaning for you.

Psychologist Bernstein even objects to the term bucket list.
“These are things we most want to do before we die,” he said. “They are life goals. Saying they are on a bucket list cheapens the intention and the meaning.” A better way to approach it, he said, may be to stop writing your bucket list and start living it.
Helpful Web sites: